If it works for them…
Dustin, I hope you're sitting down. And not just because Walker is sneaking up behind you with the Vaseline and that pink-stained towel.
Dustin's 2007 season reminds me of a romantic comedy. You know the kind – a frumpy girl whose beauty is hidden behind big glasses, a dude finally sees the true beauty in her. They hook up. Dude discovers she's, also, a dude.
Yep. Dustin's season reminds me of The Crying Game.
If you look at the record (8-5), pts scored (2nd overall) the championship – sure, it all looks great. I'd want to tap that too. But Dustin has a dark and dirty secret. His team sucks.
Take a look at his final, "Championship-winning", roster.
| Player Name | NFL Team | Position |
| Adam Vinatieri | | K |
| Ahman Green | HOU | RB |
| Antonio Gates | SD | TE |
| Braylon Edwards | CLE | WR |
| Brian Westbrook | PHI | RB |
| Devin Hester | CHI | WR |
| Donte' Stallworth | NE | WR |
| Drew Brees | NO | QB |
| Greg Jennings | GB | WR |
| Julius Jones | DAL | RB |
| Leon Washington | NYJ | RB |
| | NO | DEF |
| Santonio Holmes | PIT | WR |
| Vince Young | TEN | QB |
| | WAS | DEF |
He's got two guys on IR (Green & Fargas). His #2 running back is Leon Washington. And he somehow missed the memo that the Bears had given up on the Devin Hester experiment.
How did this yahoo win the championship? And more importantly, how can we prevent this travesty from happening again? Let's explore, by going back to the beginning.
Coming into the 2007 season, no one gave Dustin's Old No.7 a chance. If I had to bet, I would have put money on Jerome's squad over Dustin's, and Jerome team was drafted by a bunch of half-drunk dudes who wanted him to end up with a shitty team (which he did).
After all, Dustin didn't exactly have a history of fantasy football dominance. He had the worst winning percentage in the history of the 4th and 20 league (.300) after going 4-9 in 2006 and 2-11 in the inaugural season.
The cards were stacked against Dustin. Craig had even printed out 'Fire Dustin' shirts for everyone to wear at the 2008 draft.
This is the guy that drafted his kicker four rounds too soon. (By the way, if you're keeping score at home, Vinatieri finished as the 11th best Kicker in 2007).
I'm not saying his drafting skills are Millen-esque (hate him, but Millen would never pick a fantasy Kicker before the 14th round), although he did like drafting WRs in 2007. Seriously, take a look at Dustin's post-draft roster.
| Player Name | NFL Team | Position |
| Adam Vinatieri | | K |
| Ahman Green | HOU | RB |
| Antonio Gates | SD | TE |
| Braylon Edwards | CLE | WR |
| Brian Westbrook | PHI | RB |
| Devery Henderson | NO | WR |
| Donte' Stallworth | NE | WR |
| Drew Brees | NO | QB |
| Hank Baskett | PHI | WR |
| Julius Jones | DAL | RB |
| Matt Leinart | ARI | QB |
| Najeh Davenport | PIT | RB |
| Randy McMichael | STL | TE |
| Santonio Holmes | PIT | WR |
| Ted Ginn Jr. | MIA | WR |
Can someone tell me how this asshole won the Championship? Seriously - he's got 4 great players (Gates, Braylon, Westbrook, Brees) and a pile junk. Ted Ginn Jr? Really??
He was active on the waiver wire, I'll give him that, getting lucky with two pickups in particular – Greg Jennings (nice job, Jeremy) and Justin Fargas (my bad). So, basically, Dustin was just one lucky fucker.
(disclaimer – I would be remiss not to mention my own strike of luck last year. The Losman/R Wayne/A Peterson (the old, slow one) for Romo/Burress/Curry trade was an absolute gift. Turns out Jeremy drafted the best team and then traded and waived all his best players. Good looking out B.)
So, in closing, I'll say this to our new champion. We're onto your little formula for success. We're aware of how you lulled us into a false sense of comfort by drafting a really shitty team and then playing the waiver wire game. And we won't let it happen again.
Oh, and one other thing – I've seen The Crying Game, and I know where your mouth has been. Wash the trophy when you are done with it.
Labels: Roast
¶ 7:24 AM 0 Comments
Final Score: Big Brown Sharks 95, Old No. 7 80.47
New quarterback Tony Romo led the Sharks to another win, scoring 19.8 points and leaving the Sharks one of only 2 teams undefeated on the young season. LaMont Jordan also continued his resurgence, rushing for 159 yards on the day (15.9 pts). It was enough to overcome another off-day for stud running back Steven Jackson, who on the season has managed a meager 12.2 points.
"Yeah, I'm frustrated," Jackson said after the game. "But we're winning games, that's all that counts. I'll keep plugging away and will get over this hump."
The players in the Old No. 7 locker room were not noticeably upset after the loss, despite moving the franchise record to 6-22. "That's what we're good at," Julius Jones said. "Losing." Jones then called his travel agent to make vacation plans for early December.
At least one player hasn't given up yet on Old No. 7 owner Dustin, as Brian Westbrook led the team in tangibles (16.2 pts) and intangibles – heart, guts, and creaky knees.
***
Champs Rebound
Final Score: Tiorted Snoil 101.67, Meins 82.07
Jamal Lewis put his teammates on his back and carried them to victory, to the tune of 216 yards and a touchdown (27.6 pts), overcoming the Meins and putting the defending champs in the winning column.
"I just put myself back in jail," Lewis said about how he prepared mentally for the game. "I imagined I was in the shower, holding the soap, and all those sweaty men were chasing me again."
Meanwhile, the Meins lost what was a winnable game. Quarterback David Garrard, signed earlier in the week to backup the injured Eli Manning, had a great first game for the Meins, adding 16.07 points. And Clinton Portis had another solid game, proving that last week was no fluke by adding 13.6 points.
But for the second week in a row, Deuce McAllister was a no-show, tallying 3.6 points. And the Meins other 2 free-agent adds for the week, Mason Crosby and Eric Johnson, were unspectacular, combining for 6.8 points.
***
Pitbulls Devoured
Final Score: Midland Maulers 108.6, Vick's Pitbulls 63.83
The Midland Maulers came out hungry and went after Vick's Pitbulls like a Mississippi leg-hound to a bare leg, humping the Pitbulls into submission with a 45 point victory. QB Tom Brady and RB Marion Barber both tallied 21.5 points in the effort, leading all scorers in the game and powering the Maulers to their first victory of the season. The Maulers scored well on the day, despite a second consecutive sub-par performance by the team's primary RBs – Lawrence Maroney (7.7 pts) and Ronnie Brown (6.9 pts).
Meanwhile, LaDainian Tomlinson must be tiring of carrying the Pitbulls on his own, as he phoned in his performance, scoring a meager 5.8 points. QB Vince Young tried to make up the difference, having a solid game (16.43 points), but it was not enough to fill the vacuum.
The mood in the losing locker room was mutinous, and grumbling could be heard about Jerome's drafting skills, his taste in golf attire, and his preference for junk-holding, former Notre Dame quarterbacks.
***
Necrophiliacs Surprise Again
Final Score: BarbaroNecrophiliacs 105.77, hokay hoslap 78.4
(ghost-written by Badics)
The BarbaroNecrophiliacs had their way with the lifeless corpse of Hokay Hoslap. Hokay’s corpse was lying dead on the examining table in the morgue, and the Necrophiliacs did unspeakable things to the lifeless bag of bonez and blood.
Randy Moss continued his outstanding play noting, “I play hard when I want, which just so happens to be now.” Jonny Kitna turned in another solid performance, pinballing through the secondary on numerous plays and getting his bell rung numerous times. New addition Dallas Clark contributed a solid performance with 12.9 points. And the cornerstone of the team, Mr. Frank Gore, continued his solid play with 20.5 points. Gore had a tough week as his mother passed away; you’d be happy to know that the Necrophiliacs did not attempt any funny business with her.
Hokay had a tough week but were lead by Kellen Winslow (16 pts). The other standout was Neil Rackers who hoslapped the netting behind the field goal to the tune of 13 big points. LJ had his second tough week turning in only 8.7 points.
***
Chubby Squeaks Out Win
Final Score: Chubby's In 116.97, Craigulators 115.17
The game was going to end in a tie, but in true heart-breaking fashion, the Craigulators lose in the close-fought shoot-out.
"I accept full responsibility for the loss," quarterback Matt Hasselbeck said. Hasselbeck was sacked on the game's final play, resulting in a loss of 18 yards and breaking the tie. The loss overshadowed the stellar play of certain Craigulator's players, namely Chad Johnson (32.9 pts), Terrell Owens (16.2 pts), and Willis McGahee (16.3 pts).
Meanwhile, Chubby's In got 74% of their production from three players – Carson Palmer (401 yds, 6 TDs, 2 INTs – 38.37 pts), Steve Smith (153 yds, 3 TDs – 33.3 pts), and Joseph Addai (81 yds, 1 TD – 14.7 pts). Addai looked stellar for the second consecutive week, and Palmer had a career day as Chubby's In remained undefeated.
***
Nuts Swing into Action
Final Score: Dez Nuts 110.77, Bad Ideaz Kennels 108.1
Edgerrin James continued his resurgence, rushing for 128 yds and a TD (21 pts), and Willie Parker had his first big game of the year (126 yds, TD – 19.3 pts) to carry Dez Nuts to their first win on the season. Rookie WR Calvin "Megatron" Johnson had another solid game (12.8 pts), leading the team's WR in production. Is there more than meets the eye to Johnson? DNA tests are inconclusive.
Despite spectacular play by his WR – Andre Johnson (24 pts) and TJ Houshmandzadeh (18.9 pts) and an all-around solid effort by the team, Bad Ideaz lost their first game, dropping to 1-1.
"You gotta take it for what it is, a loss," Ideaz's QB Peyton Manning philosophized. "We played a good game, have some things to work on in practice this week, but the Nuts were a little bit better this week. Tip the hat to them."
Labels: Headlines
¶ 10:37 AM 0 Comments
Final Score: Big Brown Sharks 141.7, Dez Nuts 67.47
Much-hyped coming into the season, the Sharks' Steven Jackson decided to take the opening game off. Turns out, it didn't matter.
The Sharks put the lumber to Dez Nuts, coming out firing on (almost) all cylinders and pouring on the offensive fireworks. By themselves, the Sharks two leading scorers - QB Tony Romo (35.6 pts) and WR Plaxico Burress (32.4) - scored enough pts to overcome the Nuts. But there is no mercy rule in the cold and cruel world of fantasy football, and the Sharks didn't let up until the final buzzer. For at least one week, LaMont Jordan had a resurgence, looking like the Jordan of 2005 while adding 21.9 pts. And rookie Adrian Peterson, who some had questioned the wisdom of drafted so early, made a splash in his debut, leading all RBs with 22.3 fantasy pts.
Despite the utter brutality of the loss, Dez Nuts had a few bright spots, which they hope to build upon in their week 2 matchup with Liefer's Bad Ideas Kennels. QB Marc Bulger was solid, if not spectacular (12.37 pts), and Edgerrin James looked 3 years younger, running hard for 17.2 pts. WRs Larry Fitzgerald (2 pts) and Deion Branch (0 pts) were literal no-shows, and while they likely will produce in week 2, All-World rookie WR Calvin Johnson is waiting in the wings should GM Twig decide to make the switch.
Though he didn't produce anything on the field in the matchup, Steven Jackson had this to say afterwards. "This is a notice. A memo to the league. The Big Brown Sharks are back mutha-fuckers. Everyone is saying in the papers and to their mommas that we're not going to do anything this year, that after losing the '06 Championship, we are doomed to have a slump. Fuck that. We're taking this shit man."
***
Maulers Mauled, Meins Prevail
Final Score: Meins 110.5, Maulers 88.7
Coming into the 2007 season, the Meins squad had more questions then they did answers. Would main-stay Clinton Portis produce like the stud of old, or would he had another injury-riddled season? Did all the trades improve the team? And why did owner Jeremy drop the 'Main' from the Meins' team name?
For one week at least, the Meins put all but the latter question to rest, winning in impressive fashion against Torey's Maulers. Eli Manning had a spectacular game 27.6 pts, and was well on-pace to leading all scorers for the week before leaving in the 4th with a shoulder injury. Newcomer WR Reggie Wayne (21.5 pts) also had a career day, and Portis indeed looked like the stud of old, gaining 98 yds and adding a TD (15.8 pts) against a tough D.
The injury to Manning cast a shadow over the win, however. He is considered day-to-day with what officials are calling a partial separation of his throwing shoulder, but Eli himself fully expects to play in week 2. "I've been fully active with my right arm and have shown no discomfort. Brushed my teeth, unlocked my door, even had a vigorious mank-session. No pain or discomfort."
In the other locker room, the disappointment was tangible. QB Tom Brady had a stellar game, throwing for 297 yds and 3 TDs (25.3) , and rewarding owner Torey for the faith he had shown in keeping Brady over the much-hyped Brandon Jacobs. But aside from Marion Barber III (15.4 pts), no one really stepped up for the Maulers, and as a result, they start the season down 0-1.
Of particular concern for the Maulers is their running game, or lack thereof. Starting RBs Laurence Maroney and Ronnie Brown combined for a meager 104 yds on the ground, and both were kept out of the end zone. If the Maulers expect any chance of winning their week 2 matchup with Jerome's Vick's Pitbulls, Brown and Maroney need to produce.
***
Rough Start for Champs
Final Score: BarbaroNecrophiliacs 101.73, Tiorted Snoil 80.23
The honeymoon is over.In their first action since they completed their Cinderella run in 2006, winning the Championship as the #6 seed, Walker's Tiorted Snoil played an unispired and sloppy game. It was enough to make one wonder if their gatorade bottles were filled with the remnnants of last year's champaign.
Last year's surprise sensation, Maurice Jones-Drew, was virtually non-existant (4 pts), joining mainstay Rudi Johnson (7.6 pts) and new back Jamal Lewis (2.6 pts) for an underwhelming backfield peformance. Laveranues Coles played a strong game (59 yds, 2 TDs for 17.9 pts), and the Defense was phenomenal (29 pts), but nobody else came to play.
Meanwhile, Badic's squad opened the '07 campaign strong, taking advantage of the reeling champs with a decisive victory. The frequently malcontent Randy Moss seemed content for this week at least, playing his strongest game in two years (24.3 pts). And despite Reggie Bush's absense (4.5 pts), the young backfield looks very strong - Frank Gore posted 13.6 pts, and rookie Marshawn Lynch added 15.9.
Walker's team will certainly improve, but one thing is certain - the BarbaroNecrophiliacs look to be strong contenders this year.
***
The Dynasty Begins?
Final Score: Craigulators 77.8, Hokay Hoslap 48.33
Craigulator's Owner Craig talked a lot about how this was going to be the year of the Craigulators. They made a lot of offseason moves and were going to turn things around. He even showed up on draft day wearing a shirt that proclaimed "The dynasty begins". And although they got the win this first week, it was evocative of the kinds of games the Craigulators have played the last 2 years: gouge-your-eyes-out ugly.
"We got the W, that is all that matters," Terrell Owens had to say afterwards. Part of a big off-season trade that sent additional picks to Jeremy's Meins, TO was spectacular in his Craigulators debute, hauling in 87 yards and 2 scores (20.7 pts). Asked about his feelings on the trade, TO was rather gracious about moving to a team that had perennially under-achieved. "Look, I told Jeremy, I said, 'look - nigga get me off this fuckin team before I blow a knee or some shit'. I mean, I love that cat, but he is like kryptonite to brothas."
The hokay squad was rather glum after the loss. In addition to starting the year 0-1, they also suffered injuries to 2 of their young up-and-coming RBs - Brandon Jacobs and Cadillac Williams. Of the two, Jacobs injury was the more concerning, and he could miss a month or more of playing time. Add in the merely mortal performance of Larry Johnson (8.7 pts) after a lengthy hold-out, and it could be a very long season for Bud's team.
***
New name, same results
Final Score: Chubby's In 94.37, Old No. 7 70.9
Despite high hopes heading into the season, Dustin's newly-christened Old No. 7 lose the opener. Worse than the loss is the sense of optimism that is already leaking out of the locker room like air from a punctured balloon. If the team doesn't get this ship turned around quickly, owner Dustin will have a mutinious team and fan base calling for blood.
"We're better than this," signal-caller Drew Brees said. "I'm better than this. We just need to put it all together and play a solid team game." Much of the blame for this loss can be laid at Captain Brees' feet, as he actually posted a negative score for the day (-1 pts).
Meanwhile, Wes' Chubby's In picked up where they left off last year, winning in convincing fashion and looking like a playoff team. Carson Palmer (16.47 pts) and Steve Smith (18 pts) were their usually productive selves, and super soph Joseph Addai looked like a top 3 RB, slashing and cutting his way to a team-high 20.3 pts on the day.
"They've been there, they've done it," Brees had to say about Chubby's team. "And it shows."
***
Bad Ideaz Great, Vick's Pitbulls Crushed
Final Score: Bad Ideaz Kennels 143.5, Vick's Pitbulls 93.47
The prognosticators might be right - Bad Ideaz Kennel, the preseason favorite, looks ready for another run at the title.
In convincing fashion, Liefer's Bad Ideaz opened the season with a 50-point win. There was no evidence of the maliase that brought down the '05 champ last year. RB Shaun Alexander appears to be back to full health, as he tallied 17.7 pts. Peyton Manning (24.6 pts), Andre Johnson (18.2 pts), Travis Henry (18.3 pts), and Jason Witten (17.6 pts) also contributed with impressive games.
On the other hand, Jerome's squad continued to rely primarily on All-World LaDanian Tomlinson, who scored 19.17 pts in the losing effort. Torry Holt (13.3 pts) and Tatum Bell (15.3 pts) also produced, but in this game at least, LT could not do it on his own.
Labels: Headlines
¶ 8:44 PM 1 Comments
The 2007 draft is in the books. As a way of harnessing the excitement from the draft (and to pass the time until the 2007 NFL season kicks-off), I sent a series of questions to each of the franchise owners to gather their thoughts on the draft - their team, as well as best & worst of the draft. Results are below.
Also - the Drafts page has been updated with the full 2007 draft results; hit the link above to review/refresh yourself on the carnage.
Lastly - hit the forums and talk trash about the draft while the wounds are still fresh.
Post-Draft Survey: Overall Results
Q: Who had the biggest reach of the draft (can't pick your own)? Adam Vinatieri, with 3 votes. All other selections received 1 vote.
Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)? A tie, between Greg Jennings (2 votes) and Warrick Dunn (2 votes). Both were drafted by Badics, however, he didn't not win the best draft award....
Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)? Another tie, between Bud (3 votes) and Jeremy (3 votes).
Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)? It's a tie, between Jerome and Dustin (3 votes each).
Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)?
With 4 votes, the preseason favorite to win the 2007 4th and 20 League is..... Liefer. In addition to his 2 stud RB keepers (Shaun Alexander and Travis Henry), in the draft he added the best QB (Peyton Manning), a solid stable of receivers (Andre Johnson, T.J. Houshmandzadeh, and Joey Galloway) and a top TE (Witten). He also has a solid bench - DeShaun Foster, Mark Clayton, Joe Horn, etc.
Runners-up: Bud: 2, Jeremy: 1, Craig: 1, Walker: 1
Team-Specific Results Badics:
Q: During the course of the draft, you traded Deuce and Greg Jennings (an absolute steal in the 11th) for Marshawn Lynch and a 13th round pick, which you used to draft JJ Arrington. Considering that Arrington has little value playing behind Edge and Shipp, this trade was essentially Deuce and Jennings for Lynch. Do you expect Lynch to produce that well, or are you expecting down years for Deuce and Jennings ?
Deuce is not eligible to be a keeper so I'm trading 1 year of Deuce for Lynch. I needed to diversify my team (with 3 Saints) and to get a quality running back and a potential keeper was a great deal for me.
Q: Overall, you had some of the best value picks in the draft (Dunn, Kitna, Jennings), but you seemed to lose focus at the end, wrapping up with Antwaan Randle El, JJ Arrington, and Priest Holmes, and you didn't make your last pick at all. What happened? Fatigue, alcohol, etc?
I didn't make my last pick basically because Jeremy said I already had 16 players as a result of the trade. Looking back I probably should have picked another player…whatever. Yes I took some huge reaches. My draft strategy has always been the same: go for the home run. Take a little bit of a reach hoping for huge rewards (Arrington being a first round draft pick, Deuce being a fantasy HOF and….ok Randel El was a bad pick).
Q: Who had the biggest reach of the draft (can't pick your own)? Dwayne Bowe to Wes in the 9th
Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)? Vincent Jackson in the 6th to Jeremy
Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)? Walker
Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)? Wes
Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)? Walker
Team-Specific Results Twig:
Q: You took Norwood in the 2nd round, but passed on the opportunity to take Dunn in the 4th and secure the Atlanta backfield. Reports indicate that Dunn is the week 1 starter. Any regrets or do you expect Norwood to overtake Dunn and end up starting quickly?
2 points here…. 1 is I’m a dumbass and after Charles took Dunn I thought wow he was still there I sure should have taken him. The other side of the fence is I needed a starting #2 WR and that’s all I was thinking about and now I’m not real high on Branch even though he was one of the highest rated when I picked. All that negativity aside I truly feel Norwood will emerge this year, quickly take the carries and is a good keeper candidate if that happens. He did score a receiving TD last night and looked good, but ATL run O looked horrible as
Dunn rushed 6 times for like 8 yards. Plus who doesn’t want Joey ballgame leading
an offence that affects your fantasy fortunes.
Q: Your #2 WR is either Deion Branch or Calvin Johnson. Are you concerned considering
that Branch has never gone over 1000 yds, and Johnson is a rookie?
I’m not to down on Branch, Hasselbeck will get people the ball and Branch was a semi stud with NE when Brady threw to 7 people every game. Just wish I could have gotten someone better. Here is to hoping Calvin is a stud by mid season.
Q: You ended up with the most home-town Lions players, three in total - Calvin Johnson,
Kevin Jones, Dan Campbell. Was this deliberate, or were you just taking best value at the time? Or are you just trying to make Craig jealous?
I feel Jones was a pretty good value where I got him as my #4 RB and had no intentions of drafting him before hand. Calvin also fell into my lap as the best WR I had rated when I picked there. I’m pretty sure Charles drafted Dan Campbell for me and I put him on the board before anyone else even picked in the round. At that point I was real sick of the draft; he will be the first I drop.
Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)? Bud
Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)? Jerome for sure
Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)? Bud
Team-Specific Results Dustin:
Q: Your stable of WRs (Braylon Edwards, Devery Henderson, Donte Stallworth, Santonio Holmes, Ted Ginn Jr) are young, relatively unproven guys. Any concerns headed into the season without a bonafide #1 WR?
Going into the draft I knew I needed to get a couple starting RBs. I barely got Ahman Green and at that time, top tier WRs were gone, so I waited another round. I also really wanted Gates (WRish numbers a TE) and took him a round earlier than TonyG left the board. I have some talented young WRs and also 3rd year guys. a couple of these guys will break out and fill my WR slots..... and I have the best TE in the game.
Q: You took the first kicker off the board, Adam Vinatieri, in top of the 9th round. The next kicker taken was Shayne Graham 4 rounds later. Any regrets picking a kicker so early?
Vinatieri puts up freakishly good numbers.... K is a starting position.
Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)? Devin Hester in the last round
Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)? Charles
Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)? You (eric) hahahahhaah!!!!
Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)? Liefer
Team-Specific Results Liefer:
Q: You selected Andre Johnson in the 3rd round, ahead of Colston and T.J. Houshmandzadeh
(who you ended up getting in the 4th anyway). Schaub is still relatively unproven, and Johnson's value ultimately depends on how well Schaub does. Are you convinced that Schaub can be a solid quarterback, or did you feel that if Johnson can put up numbers with Carr behind center, he will be fine with Schaub?
Q: Despite their consistency and lack of injuries, you elected to spend two picks backing up Peyton Manning and Jason Witten. Its hard to envision Jake Delhomme or Desmond Clark ever starting over Manning or Witten, so was this strictly a move to nab some solid backups for bye weeks and in the event of injury? You could have used the picks instead on young unproven talent - guys like Brandon Marshall, Craig Davis, Brandon Jones, Michael Bush, etc, and potentially hit the jackpot (case in point, Maurice Jones Drew in 2006). Any regrets?
Q: Who had the biggest reach of the draft (can't pick your own)?
Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)?
Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)?
Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)?
Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)?
Team-Specific Results Craig:
Q: In the 3rd round, you drafted Reggie Brown, a WR, when you already had Terrell Owens and Chad Johnson. Seeing that your # 3 RB right now is Leon Washington/Chris Brown do you regret taking Brown over RBs like DeAngelo Williams, C. Taylor, T. Bell, L. Jordan (who were available in the 3rd)? Do you plan to start 3 WR?
I am happy with the Reggie Brown pick. I felt with not having a 4th round pick I needed someone with less question marks then the running backs mentioned (splitting time). My hope is that Chris Brown will be a starting running back, thus giving me the option of either him or Reggie as my flex position.
Q: Before the draft you took a huge gamble and traded multiple picks away for Terrell Owens. In retrospect, how did the trade work out for you and would you do it again?
I think the trade worked out good for both parties. I ended up getting Ocho, TO, and Matt Hasselbeck with the picks I traded. I won't complain with those players. At least I won't complain for a few weeks. I felt more confident with TO then I did with possibly drafting a rookie RB in the 2nd.
Q: Who had the biggest reach of the draft (can't pick your own)? Tatum Bell, Round 3. But Jerome wasnt there.
Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)? Tony Romo, round 7 (jeremy)
Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)? Jeremy
Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)? Jerome
Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)? Jeremy
Team-Specific Results Torey:
Q: Your draft seemed to consist of extremes - you had several guys that seem to fall to you and were great values (Driver, Chambers, Chris Henry), but you also seemed to reach in a number of spots (Gonzo, Matt Jones). Any regrets?
The Tony Gonzalez pick - there were a few good WRs out there. However, they had the same BYE weeks as my other WRs. Gonzo was ranked a few spots down on my board, so I figured I would go for him, and get a WR the next round. I feel fine about it. No regrets. Matt Jones is also another sleeper. He fits in with his bye week as well, and I think he has a lot of potential. This is his 3rd year, and he could emerge as something nice... or really suck. Since he is a backup, I am willing to take that chance. Besides, I am sure that I could find a decent WR replacement if he does bust.
Q: You elected to keep Tom Brady over Brandon Jacobs, despite the fact that Brady was a projected 2nd or 3rd round selection. Were you not sold on Jacobs as a starter, or are you expecting big things from Brady and were afraid you wouldn't get a shot at him in the 2nd?
I went back and forth on this quite a bit. I think I changed my mind 2-3 different times. I went through a ton of mock drafts, and pre-season predictions and rankings. All of them that I saw had them virtually the same or very similar. I mainly used ESPN. (Maybe that is 1/2 the problem... lol)
So I looked at it a few ways. Brady is very consistent and has been for years. The addition of a full year of Staalworth, and Moss (who many people forget used to be a 1-2 rounder when he was with the Vikings) can only increase his production. This made me upgrade Brady a little more then maybe others may have.
Now, with Jacobs, I was very excited after Barber announced his retirement last year. However, the Giants didn't seem that sold on him. That is the biggest reason they went out and got Droughns. He used to be good before he went to Cleveland . He has the potential to be good again. This makes me think of Dunn/Ducket from Atlanta . I feel that the Giants may turn to this type of 2-back system to keep them both healthy since Jacobs takes a beating, and Droughns is a health risk.
I have been burned in past years with running backs being "good" and then get burned and miss the playoffs. (D. Davis, L. Jordan, C. Williams, R Droughns - all of which was last year!) I felt I would take the consistency over the risk/reward. It may turn out to be an amazing keeper choice, or my biggest mistake of the 2007 season. We will know come the 13th week of the season!
Q: Who had the biggest reach of the draft (can't pick your own)?
I think the earliest mistake was done by Eric's team. I think taking Adrian Peterson (R) really forced his hand in some later rounds. He then needed to take Taylor and even another RB before they were all gone. This definitely caused the rest of his draft to be a little chaotic trying to get the best player available while still not falling behind other teams.
The biggest reach of the draft was definitely hands down Adam Vinatieri going in the 9th round. There isn't much difference between the 1st and 12th kickers in the league. Also, you never know who will be the best kicker regardless. None of the top 3 kickers the last few years have been the best so you might as well wait until the end to get a kicker.
Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)?
Definitely Greg Jennings in the 11th round! Wow... Farve is not going out handing the ball off. He is going to be throwing it into the sunset. If I didn't have Driver already, I would have been all over him... but I didn't want ANOTHER person with the same bye week.
Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)?
I think there are a few that did well. The one that stands out to me is Bud. Any time you have Larry Johnson Cadillac Williams Brandon Jacobs Lee Evans Donovan McNabb Santana Moss as your starting 6, that is good. Especially when one of them is LJ. However, I think Craig and Jeremy did well as well. Those trades ended up working for both of them.
Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)?
I think it was Dustin. I think he s very weak in the WR department, yet still doesn't have a true stud at RB either. (I don't count Westbrook since he always gets injured it seems) Unless one of his WRs come up big... it could be a LONG year.
Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)?
I will probably pick Bud since I can't pick my own team. But, rarely does the best draft turn out to be the winner of the league.
Team-Specific Results Bud:
Q: You took Lee Evans as your first WR in the 2nd, over Javon Walker, Andre Johnson,
and T.J. Houshmandzadeh. Any regrets?
Lee Evans has every opportunity to double the others production. Fantasy Football is a crapshoot so you might as well just pick the guy that you want on your team.
Q: You started the draft by going with Brandon Jacobs, adding to LJ and Cadillac. But you didn't go back to RB again until the 7th round, when you got Reuben Droughns, a key handcuff. In retrospect, do you regret not adding another quality RB in rounds 2-6, considering the question marks surrounding your starting 3?
Almost every running back went above projected. I went best available and found a star QB and backup WR.
Q: Who had the biggest reach of the draft (can't pick your own)? Devery Henderson or keeping Fred Taylor
Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)? Jay Cutler or Chris Brown
Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)? Twig or Pierce, but he had more picks.
Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)? Jerome
Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)? Liefer
Team-Specific Results Wes:
Q: Despite the fact that Fragile Fred Taylor is your #2, you didn't take a RB until the 3rd round, when you grabbed DeAngelo Williams. Your first 2 picks (Steve Smith & Palmer) were solid, but any regret in passing on some of the RBs taken before DeAngelo (Lewis, Peterson, Lynch, Green, Barber, Norwood )?
I wasn't exactly pleased with the way the draft went, in terms of running backs available when I picked. My strategy this year centered around one main idea: take the best available player, that fills a need. I didn't want to "reach" for some of those RBs you listed, as I had them rated lower on my board. But I think that with any luck, my RB situation shouldn't be too bad at all. Time will tell.
Q: You took Dwayne Bowe in the 9th. Are you expecting big things, or do you feel you reached a bit?
The 9th round may have been a bit early, but there weren't many other players that really caught my eye as potential sleepers. I like Bowe as a possible contributor this year, based on his team's situation and some things I read about him.
Q: Who had the biggest reach of the draft (can't pick your own)?
Jerious Norwood in the 2nd round jumps out at me as a bit of a stretch (sorry Jerad), but the award for the biggest reach has to go to Dustin for grabbing Vinatieri in the 9th.
Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)?
I like Matt Hasselbeck in the 10th as the best value pick. A potential top five QB falling that far is a bit surprising. Vincent Jackson (who was high on my sleeper list, but I completely forgot about) would also get a nod as a good value.
Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)?
It's a tough call on the best draft, but I'm leaning toward either Dez Nuts or the hoslap. There are quite a few good looking teams this year.
Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)?
Aside from the obvious pick (Jerome), I'd say that bloodteethnhair had a rough go of it on draft day.
Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)?
My early favorite to win has to be the Craigulators. That team looks pretty solid from top to bottom. I guess that trade didn't work out too badly after all (on paper).
Team-Specific Results Jeremy:
Q: You started the draft with only one keeper (Portis), but had 7 picks in the first 4 rounds. Now that the draft is over, how do you feel about your team?
With the question marks surround Portis, my goal was to come out of the first 4 rounds (in which I had 7 picks) with a proven RB, Ladell Betts, and 2 others with high upside. I was not able to do this through the draft (Benson - unproven, Betts, Lynch (?), B Jackson (?), Portis (?)), but I was able to land Deuce McAllister for M. Lynch. I feel great about my RBs, got some very good value picks with my starting WR (Walker - late 2nd, Burress - late 3rd) and
also got a steal at QB in the 7th round with Romo. From there, I think I did a pretty
good job filling out my bench, but should have taken a flier or two on RBs late.
Q: You waited a long time on TE before finally pulling the trigger on Watson in the 12. Do you regret not taking a TE before the run?
I don't regret waiting so long on a TE only because I got Greg Olsen in the 12th round (Watson was the 10th). I reached for Watson and really could have used the pick better, but I panicked as I thought Twig would grab Watson.
Q: Who had the biggest reach of the draft (can't pick your own)?
Torey - Matt Jones, 7th round (I think he could have been had as a free agent)
Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)?
Charles - Warrick Dunn, end of 4th round (Drafted 25 picks after Norwood and Dunn is the starter, huge steal)
Craig - Chris Brown, 7th round (Getting a starting RB this late, especially in this league, is a big surprise)
Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)?
Since we are talking draft, I will exclude the keepers from this decision. I think Liefer had the best draft, especially when you look at some of his value picks. Peyton Manning fell into his lap at # 4 and he had the RB keepers to take him. Reached on Andre Johnson big time, but then took the guy I thought he should have grabbed there in the next round, TJ Housh (lock it up).
I don't feel great about his RB depth having only DeShaun Foster & Tony Hunt as backups. Great value picks later to round out his roster though (Mark Clayton - 7th, Joe Horn - 11th)
Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)?
Torey, overdrafted a lot of guys. Marion Barber in the 2nd was too high, Tony G in the 4th when there were a ton of good tight ends out there 3 rounds later, Matt Jones in the 7th. Had some good picks later (Chris Henry in 11th, Anthony Gonzalez in the 12th), but just too many reaches early when you want to take best available.
Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)?
I'd say Liefer, his 3 headed monster (Peyton, Alexander, Henry) would be tough to beat, then he went out and got a lot of really good value picks. Will be tough to beat if his team stays injury free
Team-Specific Results Jerome:
Q: Now that the smoke has cleared and you have seen your roster, what are your thoughts?
Can LT carry your team to the playoffs again?
Q: Your RB aren't very deep - LT is the only bonafide starter in the group. However, you have an excellent group of receivers. Will you run the 3 WR set and put Anquan Boldin, Torry Holt, and Bernard Berrian on the field at the same time?
Q: Who had the biggest reach of the draft (can't pick your own)?
Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)?
Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)?
Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)?
Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)?
Team-Specific Results Eric:
Q: How do you feel after waiting 13 rounds and settling with JP Losman as your starting QB?
My strategy going in this year was to get a good values at the one-off positions - QB, TE, DEF, and K. I feel I was successful in all regards BUT QB, and I waited way too long to pick one.
Initially, I was hoping Bulger (long shot) or McNabb would fall to the end of the 3rd. When that didn't pan out, I set my sights on Romo and knew I could wait a few more picks. But then Jeremy sniped me on Romo in the 7th, and again on Eli Manning in the 9th. After both times, I elected to wait longer, thinking the QBs would still be there, as by that point, everyone had their starters. But then a run on backup QBs went, and I wasn't expecting that.
Part of my decision process was also based on my selection of Peterson in the 2nd - I essentially had to go with the handcuff early on, and then spent most of the draft either looking for RB values, or filling other holes. I felt like I was always playing catch-up.
The key to my season will be whether or not I can get consistent performance out of my QBs. I have the firepower at other spots so I won't need Losman to win games for me. The key is that he doesn't lose any for me.
Q: And how confident are you with relying heavily on two teams Indy (Harrison & Wayne) and Minnesota (AD & Chester)?
I am definitely nervous. In the case of Indy, if Peyton Manning goes down, my season is over. Does anyone even know who Manning's backup is? Does he even have one?
Not overly concerned about the reliance on Indy, as they have been solid and consistent offensively since Peyton was drafted. Minnesota is a bigger question, however.
Couple of things here - I needed to draft a RB in the 1st or 2nd round for two reasons: I was only keeping one RB (Steven Jackson) and our league is RB-crazy, so I knew the pickings would be slim by the time I picked.
Going into the draft, I was hoping that an RB would slip in the 1st round, but as expected, that didn't happen. My strategy then was to draft best available WR (Harrison) and then take best RB on the way back. The debate really became between Peterson and Lynch. I like Peterson's upside more, and part of that decision was forward-looking to next year as a possible keeper.
Plus Lynch has looked like crap in the preseason.
Once I took Peterson, I felt like I had to lock-up Chester too. I don't ever plan on starting both of these guys at the same time, but will play the hot hand. Chester looks to be the starter heading into the season, which puts me in an awkward position.
Q: Who had the biggest reach of the draft (can't pick your own)? I would say a tie between Matt Jones in the 7th and Adam Vinatieri in the 9th.
Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)?
I liked Warrick Dunn in the 4th (Badics), Vincent Jackson in the 6th (Jeremy), and Chris Brown in the 7th (Craig). But I think best value was Greg Jennings in the 11th (Badics)
Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)?
Based purely on where he started from, I think Jeremy's team improved the most. Think a lot of other teams did really well - Badics, Craig, Walker , Liefer. But considering all the picks he gathered and then what he was able to turn them into, his team really came a long way.
Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)?
The obvious answer is Jerome, but seeing how he wasn't even there, that's to be expected. Of the people actually there, I would say Dustin and Torey. While they both had good picks, both had a number of early reaches that could hurt (Donte Stallworth, Adam Vinatieri, Tony Gonzalez, Matt Jones).
Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)?
Tough call. I think the early contenders (on paper) are Jeremy, Liefer, Walker , Badics, Craig, and Bud. Of that group, I like Walker 's starting unit the best, but think his lack of depth could be a problem if someone goes down. Ditto for Badics - great starting unit, questionable backups. Bud has a solid backfield but his WR are not the best. Craig has the opposite situation - great WR, but not a lot of RB depth. I like Liefer to reclaim the championship
trophy, beating Jeremy's squad in the finals.
Team-Specific Results Walker:
Q: You took Rivers in the 4th, which seemed a little early. Was that a result of the other top QBs (McNabb, Bulger, Palmer) going off the board so quickly, or did you have Rivers rated that high?
Drafted Rivers a round or two too early, but would have been gone at my draft position. I had him rated behind Manning, Palmer, Bulger, and McNabb.
Q: Your starters are solid, but with the exception of Kevin Curtis, your bench consists of rookies (Bush, Wolfe, Meachem) and handcuffs (Turner, Pittman, Morris). In retrospect, do you wish you had added another experienced WR or a backup QB?
I wanted another receiver, but could not get a good enough one at my position. I had other needs. I wanted another running back, but all quality backs were gone at my picks. Did not want a second QB. I can pick one up on waivers (playing well and matchups). I will probably snag another receiver in the next two weeks. I would like to wait until after the first or second week (if my guys stay healthy).
Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)? Warrick Dunn (Badics)
Labels: Draft
¶ 9:29 AM 3 Comments
Final Score: Big Brown Sharks (6-0) 96.17, Tiorted Snoil (2-4) 81.73
Quarterback Jake Delhomme continued his impressive play of late, getting help from RBs Steven Jackson and Willie Parker to win an easy one for the Big Brown Sharks, 96.17 - 81.73. Delhomme threw for 365 yards and 2 touchdowns (15 pts), and Jackson added 96 all-purpose yards and 1 TD (15 pts), and Parker contributed 109 yards rushing and 2 TDs (19 pts).
Tiorted Snoil played a solid game, getting production from QB Michael Vick (12 pts), RB Tatum Bell (15 pts) and WR Chris Chambers (12 pts). Ultimately though, the lack of production from RBs Ron Dayne and Kevan Barlow cost them the ballgame.
It wasn't all bad news for Snoil owner/GM Chris Walker. An acknowledged Shark fan, Walker was seen sporting wood on the sidelines throughout the entire contest, as he finally got to see his favorite team up close.
***
Meins Blow-Out Maulers
Final Score: Main Meins (5-1) 108.53, Midland Maulers (2-4) 45.30
It turns out the talk of Joe Horn's demise was premature, as he exploded for 110 yards and 2 touchdowns (23 pts).
The Main Meins continued to look impressive, utterly dominating the Maulers from Midland and winning by 63 points. For the Meins, Donovan McNabb continued his torent pace (15 pts), and Clinton Portis (19 pts) and Ronnie Brown (18 pts) also added to the assault. It turns out, those 3 performances alone would have been able to beat the downtrodden Maulers.
For the Maulers, the outlook is bleak at best. After a promising 2-0 start, they have lost 4 in a row, dropping them into the bottom half of the league. RB Rudi Johnson and the defense were no-shows in this contest (5 pts and 7 pts, respectively); they had carried the Maulers early, but have been absent of late.
***
Herr Lose Again; Sabo's Head Called For
Final Score: Chubby's In (4-2) 107.73, Blood Teeth N Herr (1-5) 85
The boo-birds howled early and often in this one, as Blood Teeth N Herr lost yet another one. The crowd at Sabo Municipal Stadium was hostile from the outset, and a large number of them wore tee-shirts with the words 'Fire Sabo' scrawled across the front in red letters.
The fans certainly have something to complain about, as Herr is now 1-5 on the season, after going 2-11 in the inaugural season. The next closest teams over that same period are the Craigulators and LanceBass AssPirates, both 6-13 lifetime.
Sabo was unavailable for comment.
For their part, Chubby's In continued their winning ways. QB Matt Hasselbeck had his best game on the season, throwing for 268 yard and 3 TDs (26 pts). Jeremy Shockey and the defense also contributed 17 pts each. It was enough to power the team to a win.
***
Nuts Slapped
Final Score: Hokay Hoslap (4-2) 111, Dez Nuts (3-3) 98
Hokay went with an aerial assault, getting over 20 points from each of their 3 WRs, powering the team to victory, despite a solid outing from Dez Nuts. Roy Williams (22 pts), Laveranues Coles (22 pts), and Reggie Brown (25 pts) provided the fireworks for Hokay.
Despite this, Hokay didn't get much production from the rest of the team, leaving the door open for Nuts.
The players in the losing locker room realized they had a chance to pull out the victory, but lack of production from a couple of key players ultimately cost them the game. Edge rushed 36 times for only 55 yards, a meager 1.5 average, and only contributing 4.2 pts.
Also exposed during this loss was Nut's lack of a true #2 WR. Pressed into duty, Eric Moulds added only 4.4 pts. If Nuts want to go far, they will need to address this deficit.
Steve Smith (24 pts), and Warrick Dunn (20 pts) led the way for Nuts.
***
Craigulators Ride Again
Final Score: Craigulators (2-4) 84.8, Spartan Lions (2-4) 60.6
Kevin Jones continued his domination of late, rushing for 127 yards and 1 TD (22 pts), powering the Craigulators to the win in another ugly contest. TJ Houshmandzadeh also added 16 pts.
Meanwhile, the loss drops the defending champion Spartan Lions to 2-4 on the season. With star running back Shaun Alexander on the sidelines for at least 2 more weeks, it might get worse before it gets better for the Lions, who run the risk of going from first to worst in the course of only one season.
***
Smooth Shaft Dominates
Final Score: Smooth Shaft (3-3) 148.7, LanceBass AssPirates (2-4) 101.3
Smooth Shaft looked like world-beaters this week, posting a league-high score of 148.7 en route to a decisive victory and sticking it to the AssPirates.
Running back LaDainian Tomlinson gained 135 total yards and rushed for 4 touchdowns, contributing 37.5 pts. He was joined by QB Marc Bulger (24 pts), and WRs Torry Holt (33 pts) and Anquan Boldin (19 pts) in running up the score on the AssPirates. All four combined for more points than the entire AssPirate squad combined (115 vs 101).
"It was that kind of game," LT said, "the Shaft was in-sync today."
Overshadowed in the loss was the fact that for the first time all season, the AssPirates played a solid game and put points on the board. WR Terrell Owens hauled in 3 TDs on the day (22 pts), and RB Tiki Barber added 222 total yards (22 pts).
Labels: Headlines
¶ 11:02 AM 0 Comments
Final Score: Big Brown Sharks (4-0) 96.23, Smooth Shaft (1-3) 90.53
There was no champagne to mark the occasion. Gone were the cigars and party hats from the previous weeks, when the Big Brown Sharks were shocking the football world. Instead, chants of "Number 1! Number 1!" rang through the locker room.
As they had done all season, the Big Brown Sharks won again, squeaking out 6 point win, thanks in part to questionable personnel decisions by Smooth Shaft GM Jerome. The only other undefeated team, the Main Meins, had lost, leaving the Brown Sharks alone atop the summit.
The team's top 2 running backs, Julius Jones and Steven Jackson, powered the offense, the former running for 122 yards and a touchdown, and the latter gaining 146 all-purpose yards and a touchdown. And quarterback Jake Delhomme finally played to his potential, throwing for 169 yards and 2 scores.
Receiver Muhsin Muhammad called the team blessed. "Allah is guiding this team. His hand is on everything we do."
When asked if the upcoming game with defending champ Spartan Lions was a test for this team, Muhammad said no. "As Muhammad, blessed is his name, said- 'And you must rip the heads off of the vanquisher, and shit down his throat.' And so it will be next Sunday."
Despite the mood in the winning locker room, this was a game Smooth Shaft could have easily won. Once again starting less players than the opponent, the Shaft played a tight game but fell short in the end. One can only wonder if they had played even numbers, if they could have pulled this out, which would have drastically altered the landscape, dropping the Big Brown Sharks into a 4-way tie with the Meins, Hokay Hoslap, and Chubby's In.
Shaft Quarterback Marc Bulger played his best game of the season (328 yards, 3 touchdowns), as did receiver Torry Holt (102 yards, 1 TD) and running back DeShaun Foster (105 yards, 1 TD). "We were just outnumbered," Holt said.
"A loss is a loss," Bulger added. "But you can't help but feel that this is one we could have won."
***
Craigulators Win First; Hair Still Winless
Final Score: Craigulators 105.87, BLOOD TEETH AND HAIR 105.33
The game between the league's only remaining teams without a win ended up being a close-fought affair, and ultimately more entertaining than any of the other games on tap. But in true heartbreak fashion, Blood, Teeth, and Hair lost by mere fractions of a point. Of further discouragement is that, had they played most of the other teams in the league, Hair would have emerged victorious.
In the aftermath of a game in which they had left everything on the field, the Hair locker room was understandably downtrodden. "We did our best, but it wasn't quite good enough," Santana Moss said. Moss absolutely erupted this week, emerging from his funk with an awe-inspiring performance (138 yards, 3 TDs). But it was undercut by Frank "Banana Hands" Gore, who continued his fumbled-plagued campaign (79 yards, 2 fumbles).
The mood in the Craigulators locker room was one of giddy relief. The 3-headed running back trio of Kevin Jones (93 yards, 2 TDs), Willis McGahee (78 yards, 1 TD), and Todd Jones (98 yards, 2 TDs) led the charge for the Craigulators. Obviously relieved by his team's performance, Owner/GM/Head Coach Craig Roggenbuck slumped wearily on the john, having literally crapped himself after his team came back and eked out the narrow victory. "The first time is always the hardest, you know. Now that we have figured out how to score, watch out."
*
Meins Slapped, Lose First Game
Final Score: Hokay Hoslap (3-1) 115.23, Main Meins (3-1) 104.40
In a possible preview of post-season action, the Hokay Hoslap team dominated early and held on for the win, dropping the Main Meins to 3-1 on the season. Running back Larry Johnson (101 yards, 2 TDs), quarterback Peyton Manning (217 yards, 2 TDs), and the defense (2 fumble recoverys, 4 sacks, 2 INTs, 1 TD) combined for 69 fantasy points, almost more than some entire teams in week 4 (Dez Nuts, Chubby's In, and LanceBass AssPirates). Johnson ran like Jamal "JailBait" Lewis was chasing him with a tube of baby oil, juking and dancing across the field and leading Hoslap with 26.2 fantasy points.
"The [Main Meins] will try to say it was close, and that if McNabb played in the 4th they could have won," Johnson said. "But that is bullshit man. We had their number, they were hit. If McNabb wasn't such a wuss he would have been out there in the 4th, with the game on the line. He is too preoccupied with shooting his Chunky Soup commercials. I think his mamma needs to lay off that soup, yo."
When told of Johnson's comments, Meins quarterback Donovan McNabb declined to comment on his sitting out of the 4th, but did stick up for his mother. "I'm not gonna get into that with him. But you know what they say, the camera adds 15 pounds." No word on just how many cameras were on Momma 'Chunky' McNabb.
For his part, McNabb played like a demon throwing for 288 yards and two TDs, and rushing for 47 yards and another 2 TDs. And for the second week in a row, running back Clinton Portis ran wild (112 yards, 1 TD). But it was not enough to vanquish Hoslap, who despite from their week 1 loss to the Big Brown Sharks, have looked very impressive.
***
Lions Roar
Final Score: Spartan Lions (2-2) 87.13, Dez Nuts (2-2) 70.13
It was a game they were supposed to lose, but instead, the defending champion Spartan Lions rose to the occasion and kicked the upstart Dez Nuts in the nads, pulling themselves to 2-2 on the year.
"If we had lost this game," crossing-dressing wide receiver/tight end Marquis Colston (132 yards, 1 TD) said, "it would have been disastrous. We'd be down at the bottom of the league. But now we are in the thick of it. Next week is huge."
If the Spartan Lions can pull out a victory in week 5, that would indeed be huge, as it would put the Lions only a game back on the first-place Brown Sharks, a near miracle considering their sluggish start.
The real story of this game, however, was the missed opportunity for Nuts to move to 3-1 and stay at the top of the pack. "This was a very winnable game," running back Warrick Dunn said, "but we blew it."
The stars in their previous wins, RBs Dunn (65 yards), Edge James (72 yards), and Chester Taylor (51 yards), disappointed, and that ultimately was the key to this loss.
***
AssPirates Sunk
Final Score: Chubby's In (3-1) 71.03, LanceBass AssPirates (1-3) 46.90
The really good teams win the games they are supposed to. This one had blow-out written all over it, and Chubby's In did not falter, taking advantage of a bewildered LanceBass AssPirates team on the verge of mutiny. This one could have been even worse, but star running back Brian Westbrook did not play a down, sitting out with his tender knee.
Fellow RB Lamont Jordan made up for his absence, playing to his normal level for the first time all season (128 yards, 1 TD).
For the AssPirates, this game was just another in a string of sloppy, uninspired performances. Drama Queen Terrell Owens, fresh off his attempted suicide, finished with 88 yards receiving, and had one apparent touchdown called back.
"The way we are playing," TO said, "it is a miracle that we won a game. Seriously."
***
Maulers Falter
Final Score: Tiorted Snoil (2-2) 83.44, Midland Maulers (2-2) 78.77
The really good teams win the games they are supposed to. After this game, one wonders if the Midland Maulers fall within that classification of a 'good' team. This was a game they should have won, against an opponent ripe for the kill. But instead, the Maulers kept up their Jeckel-and-Hide performance, and lost to Tiorted Snoil, falling to 2-2 on the year.
It was a huge victory for Snoil, who now finds themselves back in the thick of the playoff hunt. Stud rookie running back Maroney dominated this game (125 yards, 2 TDs), more than making up for Kurt Warner's terrible outing (128 yards, 1 INT, 1 fumble).
"I feel like this is some kind of test," Warner said. "These are the dark days the Bible talks about, and I feel Jesus is trying my soul for the days ahead. 'Lo though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no defensive linemen.' Amen."
Maulers running back Rudi Johnson was unusually quiet after this loss. Johnson did his part (91 yards, 1 TD), but did not get enough help and that ultimately doomed the team.
Labels: Headlines
¶ 10:58 AM 0 Comments
Final Score: Big Brown Sharks (3-0) 95.87, Midland Maulers (2-1) 88.67
It was a fall classic in every sense of the word, with two unbeaten teams fighting to remain atop the leader board. But what looked like an early rout turned into a nail-biter as the Midland Maulers erased a 40 point gap in the 4th quarter to single digits. But in the end, like their Owner and GM, the Midland Maulers came up short.
Willie Parker led the charge for the Sharks, recovering from his pitiful week 2 outing with an explosion - 146 total yards and 2 touchdowns (26.6 fantasy points). And for the second week in a row, WR Darrell Jackson had an outstanding game, pulling in 7 catches, for 57 yards and 2 touchdowns.
"We're only gonna get better," D Jax said after the game. "Jake is starting to come on now at quarterback. And our bench is deep. The sky is the limit for us."
Coach Vince Lombardi continued to preach patience, but was optimistic as well. "We've won 3 ball games now with- let's call it what it is- crap play from Delhomme. Once we start hitting on all cylinders, we will be very hard to beat."
Despite the win, there was an undercurrent of tension in the locker room. After opening up a huge lead early on the Maulers, the defense softened and the Maulers closed the gap quickly.
The narrow loss was of little consolation to the Maulers. Going into the game, the team felt good about their chances, including Owner/GM Torey Smith, who actually voiced a vote of confidence in his team this week, whereas in weeks past he has gone on record for the opponent. It remains to be seen if in light of the loss, Smith resorts to that tactic to motivate the team.
Coming into this game, the Maulers had largely been a two-act pony, getting the bulk of it's production from star RB Rudi Johnson and their stellar defense. But in the first game with only moderate production from those two, the Maulers lost, leaving one to wonder about the team's depth.
Quarterback Tom Brady (320 yards, 1 TD) and wide receiver Javon Walker (130 yards, 2 TDs) tried to make up for Rudi and the D, and indeed they led the charge from down 40 points to only 7. But it was too little, too late, and the Maulers perfect season is now blemished.
***
Meins Cruise
Final Score: Main Meins (3-0) 108.47, Craigulators (0-3) 88.43
Whatever coach Craig Roggenbuck said to his squad prior to the game worked, because his team came out and actually produced, putting up at least 20 more points then they had in their other previous outings. Gone was the lazy performance of the past 2 weeks, and for the first time this season, the Craigulators actually looked like a professional football team.
Unfortunately for the Craigulators, the Main Meins continued their early season dominance, routing the Craigulators by 20 points and leaving them winless on the year.
"It was a good team effort," quarterback Carson Palmer said after the game. "But good is not good enough against a team like the Meins."
It was not truly a team performance, however, as the Craigulators got the bulk of their production from 4 players - Palmer (193 yards, 4 TDs, 2 INTs), WR TJ Houshmandzadeh (94 yards, 2 TDs), and RBs Kevin Jones (125 total yards and 2 TDs) and Willis McGahee (150 yards rushing). If anything, this loss illustrated the lack of depth on the Craigulator roster, as there is no true #1 wide receiver on the team, and their 3rd RB is inconsistent (Thomas Jones).
To add further insult to injury, the Craigulators lost physical specimen Vernon Davis early in the contest. Davis was flexing, yelling, "Click, clack!" when he tripped over wide receiver Reggie Williams, who had been hiding under the bench, afraid to face the hard-hitting Meins. Davis broke his leg and will be out at least 4 weeks.
In a head-scratching move, GM Roggenbuck signed TE Desmond Clark to fill in for Davis. Clark is recovering from a foot injury suffered the same week, and showed up to his physical wearing a walking boot.
Ultimately, the GM is responsible for the level of talent on the field, but GM Roggenbuck declined to comment on his draft performance. Still, after a season where the Craigulators only won 4 games, this winless start has been discouraging to the fans, and if they keep up the dismal effort, the Craigulators will be playing in front of empty stands the rest of the year.
In the winning locker room, the story of the day was star running back Clinton Portis, back for the first time since suffering a shoulder injury in the preseason. Portis went off, going for 164 total yards and 2 touchdowns. Quarterback Donovan McNabb also kept up his strong start, throwing for 296 yards and 2 touchdowns.
Already, some in the locker room are looking forward to week 8, when the Meins play the only other remaining undefeated team, the Big Brown Sharks. "I don't know if we'll all still be undefeated," McNabb said, "but that is shaping up to be a title bout. A heavyweight battle. Mano a mano. Like two big, sweaty men lathered up in baby oil and wrestling over the last pork chop.
"Damn, I get hungry just thinking about it."
***
Bloody Nuts
Final Score: Dez Nuts (2-1) 97.10, Blood Teeth and Hair (0-3) 77.27
Fresh off their disappointing loss to the Mein Mains last week, Dez Nuts refocused and let 'em hang, easily defeating the Blood Teeth and Hair squad by 20 points.
In a surprise move, Nuts QB Drew Bledsoe was benched, and Jon Kitna took the reins. It turned out to be the right move, as Kitna directed the assault through the air, throwing for 342 yards and 2 touchdowns. The Nuts also got production from star receiver Steve Smith, playing for the first time since injuring his hamstring in the preseason. Smith went off on their hapless opponent, making 7 grabs for 112 yards.
Blood, Teeth and Hair played a solid game, and got decent production all around. But no one stepped up to assert himself, and in the cutthroat 4th and 20 league, that is suicide. Running back Frank Gore, an absolute STUD the first two weeks, was merely mortal in this effort, going for 74 total yards. Gore kept up his fumble streak alive, losing 2 balls in the contest.
Kicker John Carney, Hair's best player on the day (3 FGs, 2 PATs), was furious. "This is absolute crap, man. Look at our roster - we fricking suck! Our #2 wide receiver is Arnaz Battle? What the hell!"
The comments were overheard, and the team, led by Gore, dragged the kicker into the shower. Screams could be heard, and someone yelled, "No Vaseline!"
Finally, someone on the Blood, Teeth, and Hair team scored.
***
AssPirates Lanced
Final Score: Hokay Hoslap (2-1) 91.40, LanceBass AssPirates (1-2) 58.50
In what is starting to become commonplace for this franchise, the LanceBass AssPirates were utterly destroyed, losing to the Hokay Hoslap team by 33 points. Quarterback Peyton Manning led the assault (219 yards, 1 TD passing, 1 TD rushing), and also got help from receivers Roy Williams (138 yards, 1 TD) and Braylon Edwards (116 yards, 1 TD).
Edwards, part of a 3-way trade prior to the season that sent Muhsin Muhammad to the Brown Sharks and TJ Duckett to the Main Meins, had this to say. "They [Big Brown Sharks] doubted me, what I could do. Whether my knee was recovered. And they sent me off for a 30-something has-been from f'n Michigan State." Edwards made a kicking motion. "Next time we play, we're gonna kick that ass."
The real story for the AssPirates was not what occurred during the game, but the startling events after. Apparently, the season is looking so bleak for the AssPirates that star wide receiver Terrell Owens reportedly attempted to take his own life.
The day after the game, Owens was found passed out in his bathtub, wearing a wedding dress and full makeup (ala Dennis Rodman). An empty bottle of pills and three bottles of Jack Daniels floated in the tub, and a toaster oven was found underneath the Sesame Street bubbles (luckily, the toaster was unplugged). A 9mm pistol and a razor blade knife were also found near the tub.
Former 'N Sync member and team spokesman Lance Bass offered this statement. "It is all a misunderstanding. Terrell is a big, strong, healthy, well-muscled, sweaty, dream-inducing black man, and he is too beautiful to attempt suicide. He accidentally mixed the pills with his steroids, I mean his natural supplements."
Regardless of what did or did not happen with Owens, the AssPirates need to rally together, or by the end of the season, only spokesman Bass and kicker Jay Feely will remain.
***
Westbrook Huge for Chubby
Final Score: Chubby's In (2-1) 97.37, Tiorted Snoil (1-2) 76.03
Chubby's In ran roughshod over the Tiorted Snoil team, cutting a mile wide path down their butt and leaving the Snoil team dazed and confused.
Despite questions over the health of his knee, Brian Westbrook absolutely dominated in this game, posting huge numbers on the day - 164 total yards and 2 touchdowns. And quarterback Matt Hasselbeck finally woke up from his slumber, tossing the pigskin with ease and accuracy (227 yards, 5 TDs, 3 INTs). In the end, all the Snoil team could do was lie down, assume the fetal position, and wait for the storm to pass.
"My knee is fine," Westbrook said. "I just keep eatin' my Wheaties man, and drinking milk. My grandma's osteoporosis medicine has helped too."
The season is still young, but Chubby is looking like a strong contender to not only make the playoffs, but to go far, joining the unbeaten Brown Sharks and Main Meins, Dez Nuts, Hokay Hoslap, and the Midland Maulers as early teams to watch.
Quarterback and team spiritual guide Kurt Warner was absolutely horrendous for Snoil (256 yards, 1 TD, 3 INTs, 1 fumble), as was RB Corey Dillon (16 yards rushing). The lone bright spot in an otherwise dismal performance was Tatum Bell, who rushed for 127 yards on 27 carries. But it was not nearly enough to make up for a team of so-so performances, and the Snoils lost another one.
"I need to pray for our season," Warner said. "I know God cares deeply about a bunch of guys who make millions just running around, acting like kids. He will answer my prayers. He will send angels to carry us to the promised land, the championship game. Just you watch and see."
Warner didn't say whether the Snoils would be playing in the game, or just watching it from the stands.
***
Lions Shafted
Final Score: Smooth Shaft (1-2) 71.00, Spartan Lions (1-2) 66.67
Playing with two less players, Smooth Shaft nonetheless managed to squeaked out their first win of the year, against the defending champs of all teams. It is debatable which is more surprising - that Shaft won the game going 7 vs 9, or that for the second time in this early season, the Spartan Lions have looked less like they will defending their title, and more like they will be fighting it out for the first draft pick of 2007.
Shaft star running back LaDainian Tomlinson and kicker Mike Vanderjagt were both suspended during the week for an altercation involving a frozen turkey, a rabbi, and a stripper. They were both in uniform, but spent the game on the sidelines. No one started in their place.
Despite this, Shaft got enough production from quarterback Marc Bulger (309 yards, 1 touchdown) and receiver Torry Holt (120 yards, 1 touchdown) to snatch the win.
The real story of the game though was the lack of production from the champs, who are looking very beatable early in the year. Star receiver Chad Johnson (1 catch, 11 yards) was absent once again, as was rookie Mike Bell (12 yards rushing) and the much-vaunted defense.
The worst news for the Lions came after the game, when it was discovered the star running back Shaun Alexander had broken his foot. It is a potentially season-ending injury for Alexander, who was finally starting to come on for the Lions (69 total yards, 1 TD).
No word yet on whether or not Alexander owns a wedding dress.
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